i just found out that these fancy Toyota Celica cars are not what i thought they were:

• they stopped producing them in 2006
• you can get one for less than 10k in great condition
• they are not actually sport cars, Toyota didn’t even bother putting v6 in it, they basically come in 180 hp max

i’m actually really tempted to get one, they are cheap and i can totally afford them. but first of all i kind of want to pay my student loan first. and second of all.. i think i’ll wait until i have money for bmw m3 in e46 chassis. i think i’ll get one with SMG transmission. from what i hear it’s everything that i thought tiptronic would  have but it doesnt. yeah, tiptronic is a terrible terrible thing. well i mean it’s not really bad..it’s just completely useless. it can’t do absolutely anything that a kickdown in automatic mode wouldn’t do. so yeah. eventually i’ll buy m3 and i’ll try getting into motosport.

im coming to saint petersburg this spring. it’s going to be amazing. it’s unbelievable how much i have to look forward to.

i met this person another night. it’s unbelievable how sometime you can just look into someone eyes and find out everything about that someone. some people are just really open and alive, it’s a shame they are a rare bread.

if you’re ever confused about your feelings, if you’re not sure which person you should go after, just sit down, take a piece of paper, take a pen or a pencil and start writing everything that comes to mind, everything that you think you want to put on this piece of paper. which one are you writing to? you got your answer. yes, sometimes it’s that easy.

i barely ever write anything here any more. it’s because im actually busy,  i actually live most of me life now.

it’s funny how sometimes  almost nothing happens for days, it’s the same routine over and over and over again. and then one day out of blue everything starts Happening. things get changed. today and yesterday were of the latter kind. i got a lot of news from completely different sources today. actually it was tree pieces of information rather than news. the real events happened weeks or maybe even months ago. two were bad and one was good. i dont know if they evened out, i dont know how much to care about any of them. they may mean everything or nothing at all.

i cant stop reflecting on them. i m sitting in my room, im dringking tea.  im listening to this song by ghinzu from their new album,  it’s called this light. “would anybody close my eyes? would anybody shut me down?”

im in overdrive, seriously, i need to chill. i want to go to strangelove next thursday. its the best place to go to in toronto (thanks ira!)

and now i will take a hot shower, make some more tea, plug in my old fender amp into the wall  and let it fukc my neighbours brain for a little while.

• my cat died of cancer. i loved her very very much. rest in peace.
• i moved back to toronto. i live with irena, my best friend ^^ we just finished moving in a couple of days ago. we’ve got a couch and a dining table now. we also have a fireplace.
• i work at a market research company in downtown toronto. when the school starts i will be working 2 or 2,5 days a week. right now i work almost every day there. im doing stats, coding and some other IT related stuff. love it.
• it’s my last year at Glendon College. academically speaking i’ve got only 60% of  that last year’s course load left.
• summer is over. but i love fall in toronto. especially where i live now, in midtown.

i was cleaning up my room today and i found my brother’s old digital camera. i pluged it in and found this picutre. it’s my dog, her name was Dasha. i had her since i was 4, pretty much all my life. she died about a year ago, i miss her, she was the best.

Don’t let them have their way
You’re beautiful and so blasé
So please don’t let them have their way

сегодня пока я стоял и курил в замызганном искуственном садике развёрнутом на одной из крыш университетских зданий в короткий перерыв лекции, мне пришла в голову вот какая мысль.

отношение ко многим людям напрямую завязано на некоторые группы, альбомы, а иногда и просто на песни. это распространяется и на девушек. пожалуй все девушки в моей жизни связаны с определенной музыкой, которую я слушал в период когда мои мысли были поглащены кем-то. и я говорю вовсе не о романических воспоминаниях о былых временах когда шафл выдаёт что-то пыльное и заъезженное. нет, совсем не то. я о том что моё восприятие этих людей зависит от этой музыки. образ той или иной женщины жестко закреплён на фоне некого саундтрека к этой воображаемой модели. значит ли это что такое случайное явление как ввышедший в определенный месяц альбом способен целиком изменить моё отношение к кому-то потенциально важному в моей жизни? вероятно да.

я на столько замыкаюсь на некоторых альбомах, музыкантах или группах, что есть периоды когда крутишь одно и то же по десяткам или сотням раз подряд, день за днём. конечно это всё как правило разбавляется десятком-другим новых альбомов в месяц и привычной мешаниной из папочки Stuff_[год]_[месяц]… но так или иначе…

слушаю: The Boxer Rebellion – Union, Placebo – Battle For The Sun
читаю: Триумфальная арка, какой то бред про историю уфологии

Ad poenitendum properat, cito qui judicat. (lat.)

знал же, надо было в понедельник. сиди жди теперь.

artem left today, he’ll be gone for at least three years. it wasn’t easy to say goodbye. i thought i got used to doing it but it seems to me now that one almost never does. we’re spent lots of time together during the last months and i will really miss him, literally. the good thing is, thanks to him i met some incredibly fantastic people. hopefully, we will keep in touch with them all, most of them will be in toronto next year. and irena and i will be living together. it makes for a potentially awesome year. what else makes is potentially great is something i would rather not mention here. you know what? people talk. and i never thought i can be so angry about it. and people lie when they talk. some people lie more than they talk. anyway, with all that bullshit people say i think i might have made a bad second-hand basis impression, i gotta try to fix it, i know in this case it’s worth it.

вчера пересматривал брат-2 с артёмом, цитата по моему тут будет почти в тему. lame but whatever)

Я вот думаю, что сила в правде: у кого правда, тот и сильней. Вот ты обманул кого-то, денег нажил, и чего — ты сильней стал? Нет, не стал, потому что правды за тобой нету. А тот, кого обманул, за ним правда. Значит, он сильней.

завтра опять очередной экзамен. такое чувство что они уже года три подряд, неприрывно. нужно A или даже лучше A+ .. но чёрт, ничего ведь толком не знаю. не лучший расклад.
надо дожить до и юля
но чёрт, буду скучать по артёму

UP: получил А

you know how sometimes you associate things like music or literature or activities or specific objects or specific words with a particular person. but what if that person is someone you’d rather not think about. and what if that word is a pronoun. haha, yeah, not particularly great.

the trip to kukagami was awesome, much better than i expected. especially if i dont end up getting sick again, i dont think i can afford it right now.